Words by Killer | Photos by chaos | Crannk Exclusive
What Happens on the Bus… Gets Uploaded Anyway
There’s something sacred about the madness that happens five hours deep into a nine-hour mini-bus haul with your band, your best mate, and a few unhinged ride-or-dies from the Ironjaw crew. You’re somewhere between delirium and divine inspiration — and that’s when I decided to crack a pack of Pokémon cards like I was fkn PewDiePie reincarnated as a feral metalhead with a caffeine addiction.
We were on the road to Melbourne for the Dead by Daylight show at The Bendigo Hotel — Storm The Crown in full tour mode, piled into a van that smelled like servo pies, BO, and broken dreams. Mid-arvo hit, brains fried, and I spotted a fresh Pokémon pack I’d snagged at a fuel stop earlier. The ADHD flared up, the inner YouTuber from my past clawed his way to the surface, and the bus became my studio.
CJ, my best mate and occasional cameraman/spiritual advisor, hit record.
What followed is now locked into video infamy — an NSFW, profanity-laced card pull with more heat than a Charizard on bath salts.
“It could be a butt-hole Pokémon,” I declared, sage-like and certain.
“He’s got Flamethrower for 3 energy at 130HP — that will fuck your shit up on any sort of day.”
Ads, our drummer, laughed so hard he nearly destabilized the space-time continuum. The whole bus erupted. It wasn’t about rare cards. It was about being feral, funny, and free — the exact kind of chaos you only get on the road with people who get you.
This video ain’t for kids. There’s swearing. There’s shouting. There’s enough adult Pokémon commentary to get me excommunicated from every primary school in Australia. But it was real, and it was bloody fun. And that’s what this whole trip was: mates, music, and a ridiculous amount of laughter that carried us all the way to that Melbourne stage.
Watch the video, laugh with us, and remember — it’s not just about the cards. It’s about the chaos in the van.
Inside the Rolling Asylum.
This is gospel.
I bite crowd surfers.
killer.
